私のはいく！
私はこのはいくがすきです。
なつがだいすきですから、このことばもすきです。
I was told in the posts that the particles should not begin or end the lines, and that the words I used do not qualify as "season words" that would make this a haiku. Please let me know why that is? I like the sentiment of this poem, so I am leaving it as is, as I don't really know how best to alter it.
Just consider me the James Joyce of haikus.
なつのそら
私はこのはいくがすきです。
なつがだいすきですから、このことばもすきです。
I was told in the posts that the particles should not begin or end the lines, and that the words I used do not qualify as "season words" that would make this a haiku. Please let me know why that is? I like the sentiment of this poem, so I am leaving it as is, as I don't really know how best to alter it.
Just consider me the James Joyce of haikus.
なつのそら
のしたにテント
でねました
I wonder why it doesn't qualify as a haiku? I mean, you say なつ right there... I guess it's supposed to be more subtle or something. Call yours a postmodern haiku or something :)
ReplyDeleteなつのはいくがすきです。i think that you have to include specific imagery from the season or something. Thats why i called all mine senryuu! Just to be safe. ^.^
ReplyDeleteカンピングが たのしいですね。 でも、 わたしは ベッド の ほう が すきいです。 ^_^
ReplyDeleteYou could just say it was a senryu, and then the season word thing would be irrelevant.